A Ring That Has No Sound

It was a cold night-

The cries & sadness have brought us close
The grief & unsatisfaction have been cause

All I could hear is one more voice of my own
Not from my imagination but from the tone
I think my ear has FINALLY spoke

I was worried & nervous
I google & was told I am going deaf
So, I went to the doctor & had medications

This is how I explain to people-

I hear twice what I speak.
I hear twice what you say.
I hear a crowd & it irritates me
Noise makes me angry
I am losing my concentration
I am losing words
I have forgotten how to spell
I feel dizzy & fell
I have no balance left
This voice is invisible, but something is speaking to me
My mind is playing games & I am sinking

I took matters into my own hands
I recorded the second voice on my phone
I played in front of my mom & soon realised – only I could hear though.

Oh, my invisible infection
The sound is getting louder
I am isolating myself more

Today I have noise-cancellation plugs.
So that I can disconnect myself from the world

I want to laugh with my sister
I want to dance with my love
I want to talk to my pops
I want to cook with my mum
I want to hang out with my besties
I want to work with my colleagues
I want to attend meetings
I want to play with my pup
I want to go out & have fun

But all I’m capable of is isolating
But all I’m capable of is cancelling
But all I’m capable of is losing

People around me-

I tell them to keep quiet
I tell them not to be loud
I tell them to leave the room
& I have started escaping too

I wonder,

One day when I go out again-

Will they talk to me?
Will they laugh with me?
Will they accept me?
Will they eat with me again?
Will I be able to work normally again?
OR
Will I have to think if I am better alone?
Will I have to act strong & show everyone that I don’t need their support?
Will I have to show them that I am capable enough to lead a normal life?

And sometimes I think-

I have magic powers like the movie hero has
Should I buy noise cancellation ear plugs in every colour
Maybe paint them so that I could hide in my hairs

-Anjali sahni  cpyright@CARE WITH US

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